Diva at the Met

Diva at the Met

645 Howe Street,Vancouver, BC

604.602.7788

www.metropolitan.com/diva

This, like the previous post, is a breed of a different kind. I call this 'The Splurger'. The single most expensive burger I have encountered. It sounds dumb, I know...who would spend that much on the burger? Well, besides myself, apparently three diners , none other than the insipid Emily Oja, the magnanimous Thomas Kuzma and the only man that is willing to put up with me at the moment, Frederick Young (seriously, I'm a total mess. It's a wonder I know what pants are).

Diva at he Met, the Vancouver Metropolitan Hotel restaurant, if pretty much the epitome of pretension, if you're 4, 20-somethings dressed like they have embraced Skid Row (yes, we have standards). It's a nice Saturday afternoon. Thomas has donned his clip-on bow tie and Fred is vowing to embarrass me as much as humanly possible cuz he 'hates dates' and 'organized outings' (oh ya, he's a keeper). This is going to be fun.

Besides a few Japanese business men and some obese Americans we are the only others in the restaurant. I'm really glad I made reservations.

We all know why we are there but didn't really take into account how much it would cost to get drunk at this place. Well, its a lot. Whatever, marts all around.

I went into this experience thinking that this burger would be over-kill. My former colleagues at the CFS got me a gift certificate for my birthday to Diva just to make love to this burger. To caress it, kiss it's bosom, make it feel like the only burger in the world. They know me so well. I have waited this long (since June 13) to feel this burger. With seared foie gras, truffle aoli, wild mushroom ragout, short ribs and oh-so pleasure-inspiring rutabaga, lotus root chips, I thought it would be over-load...too much of a good thing...and to be frank, over-kill. Just too much to be burger-worthy. Too much meat, too much richness...too much mamby-pamby.

I WAS WRONG.

I know this is crude, but I creamed myself. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I've only had a couple orgasms that top this. You think I'm joking. Please send an email to request the video records.

If you have $36 to waste on Shangrila, NOW IS THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

My rating: Its sensual, it's balanced, its unlike any meat experience you have ever had. I crave its soft touch every day of my life. Diva you are my life-partner, my one-and-only, my Everest. 

A Day at the Tracks

David , Fred and Tom analyzing thier 'system'

Oh Yah, Oja

Yum...diseased meat.

The Hasting Race Tracks

This review is a bit different from previous entries. I went into this one knowing full well that this burger was going to be puke-worthy. Ah yes, the concession stand burger. The demise of many an American baseball and football fan. The most likely to induce runs at the carnival. Oh, beer league...it wasn't the beer that made me vomit in your boyfriend's lap...it was your old friend the concession stand burger. You know the one, it comes in red and white checkered wax paper. The patty is 4 millimeters thick and the bun has soaked up what must be years of flat-grill grease, gristle and unknown animal fat.

On this sunny, early fall Saturday, myself, Emily Oja, Thomas Kuzma, Frederick Young and David Bestwick decided to go loose some well-earned money at the tracks. The boys seemed to think that they had a 'system', something to do with stats. Em and I bet on the horses with the pretty colours and funny names. I think the horse that lost me my five bucks was named Rx Prescription. He must have been high. Fucking dopers.

In any case, it was delightful afternoon that saw us win a group total of $6.75. And, I got to experience the ever popular concession.

Here is the theory that Emily and I came up with: Old, lame horses do not get put out to pasture; they are laid to rest at the concession stand. Seriously, I have no idea what that meat was but it was not beef. Possibly skunk, as Vancouver is over-run with the pungent rodent. Hell if I know. But, in all reality, I never expected it to be good. Just greasy, sloppy and possibly life threatening. Emily is still recovering from her botchulism.

My rating: If you want to make your stomach sad...eat at the tracks.

The Five Point

The Snob and expert banjo juggler, Fred Young / Tristan Burley, Professional elf,

3124 Main Street

(604) 876-5810

Oh, Five Point, I love you hard, hard, hard. This is the sweet little pub across the street from my residence that has been a good local beer/burger provider to me over the past few months.

Fred (see previous post) and his roommate and long time friend, Tristan Burley, joined me on this particular carnivorous foray... I have taken to sleeping to three and then eating burgers and drinking beer at the Point...excellent lifestyle, I know.
THE BURGER: Yum. It is pretty good. I have had this burger countless times, so it has varied from cooked to crumbly shit to yummy moist tenderness. It comes with a tangy tomato chutney, garlic mayo and A PICKLE (that was not your imagination) and a seasoned sog barrier. You guys this burger is very, very good. Add the apple smoked cheddar for the $2.50...totally worth it.

My Rating: I give the Five Point 3 Points out of Five.

Aaaaaaaaaand...she's back.

GUEST PARTICIPANT AND CHAMPION YOYOER, FRED YOUNG.

Me shooting guns (nothing to do with burgers) Jill drinking, Fred burning

The Charlatan

1447 Commercial Dr, Vancouver

Tel: (604) 253-2777

Hey there. I am back and ready to eat a lot of beef. As mentioned in my last post, I have been dealing with a bum leg for some time now but am feeling up to getting burgers in me and the rippin' zem to peices. I am going to make a confession: there is a bitter sweet aspect to reviewing a good burger. It's funnier when I can crap on stuff. Well, guess what? This is not one of these times.

Soooo....For some reason me and this guy I got, Frederick Roger Allan Edward Duncan Young - or something along those lines - keep ending up at the Charlatan on Sunday afternoons, 

The Charlatan is fairly new to the Drive and that means it's got bring it strong to survive. It's a pretty sweet little pub with a killer patio, nice willow tree hanging over head and a social set up, great people watching...oh and double Caesars on Sunday! 

So, zthee burger: Hey, what's one of the most important burger tenants? RATIO RATIO RATIO. God-fuking-damnit...why do people not get this? Ok, yes the patties were made in-house, and yes there was both a pickle and a sog barrier. Cheese and mushrooms were a buck extra...que?  Oh well. But - and you know this - the MUST be a decent pattie to bun ratio.  The pattie was the size of an Amazonian fruit bat (they're small) and the bun was as big as Britney Spears' dog Bit Bit (it's still small but much larger than the Amazonian fruit bat).  This made me so upset that I smashed a beer bottle over my head that I stole from the neighboring table...tore the vinyl off my stool with my teeth and made Fred cry. Actually, I just imagined myself doing all of that and then bottled up all of my bad feelings for a rainy day when I can go postal. The burger was not actally half bad after I scrapped off and obscene amount of mayo off). There was a nice anis flavoring going on but a bit of over-kill on the cayen pepper. It was kinda dry but the cheese and shrooms compensated nicely. I love mediocre Sunday lunches.

My rating: Fruit bats taste pretty good when you smush them between an alchoholic Chiuaua with signs og animal abuse.

OMG, Yah - that hurt.

So the pics should explain it all...

I did something supremely stupid. Jumped off a 40 foot cliff and hit the rocks before the water. Double compound fracture to the tibia and fibula (read: snapped some bones that clacked around outside my skin...yum!). So, that's my excuse for not updateing the blog...back on top of me game in no time. If you see a chick in a wheelchair maowing on a burger in Van...that's me kids.

Heart u.

The BS

The Templeton

1087 Granville Street (604) 685-4612

So, firstly, I must apologize for the lateness of this update. I have since been on hiadus - aka- on burger relief.
Sooooooooooooooooooooo, the Templeton. An apparent diner institution that I often get asked about. Well, after a weekend of trauma, myself and some of the buds hit the spot. We had tried to do the Raccoon Party, very unsucsessfully and were in need of a serious burger. Tom, Emily, Chris Miller, Dave Bestwick, Dave Walker and Jen Summers were all in attendence.

This place is pretty kitchy and the waitresses are...um... inattentive? Yup. Weeeeelllllllllllllll, Its all 'i'm the Fonz and I drank too much so Fuck you, whoooore' and all 'ya dude, we're pretending it's the fifties but we're gonna act like depressed grunge kids' and 'fuk u i suk at serving so go fuk yer self, alright...GOD!' Yup pretty nice....anyway.
The Burger: It was 100% organic beef, served with mush and onionion (fer extra...boo), had a sog barrier, yippee and a fukin' pickle. An all-round good burger...mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Caesar salad was bangin' with homemade croutons...yumm. BUT - and this is the folie of organic shit - dry as FUK! It was pink but dry as Nicole Richie's fat deposits (omg gross - I just puked a little). But not the best burger as everyone keeps saying. It was Yum but not ....."someone pick me up off this dirty floor "Yum.

My Rating: Was this burger made 57 years ago or am I just eating a starved, abused ostridge?

Feenie's

2563 Broadway West
www.feenies.com


The snob hard at work with Guest Reviewer (and avid potter) Mr. David Walker

Our waiter, Paul

My 'mmmmmggg...that a good frigin burger' face

Oh, Feenie's you got a rep and I have to ignore it...gotta stay impartial...and I will. Feenie's is a great place...really...um...red. Nice sidewalk patio, a la francais, with crisp white linen tablecloths, perfect for dripping burger juice all over.
So, it was Sunday and Mr. Walker (who was present at 'My Shame') and I decided to head over to the much-talked about Feenie's. Ya ya, I know Iron Chef 2005, "quite possible the best chef in Canada", 47 of Canada's top 50...whatever - get over yourself, Feenie.
So, Dave and I ordered a beer, The Backhand of God, really yummy stout for too high a price. But that's what you get when Rob "Shitty White Spot Commercial" Feenie designs yorr food. But an excellent beer nonetheless.
The Buger: Naturally, Dave and I ordered the Feenie Burger ($16). 100% certified Angus beef, normally served medium with cheddar cheese, sauteed mushrooms and bacon. For an extra $25.00 you can add seared foie gras (which is silly and pretentious), or for an extra $8.00 you can add short ribs (yum...double cow!!), or poutine for $3.00 - good deal if you ask me. To start they bring out a nice array of condiments ketchup, dijon, and herb garlic and spicy mayos (which had been left out to long, judging by that nasty glaze on top - at least have the forethought to stir it up a bit). ANYWAY
So, this is one thing that really did impress me: THEY CAN DO THE BURGER MEDIUM RARE!!!  WTF, you say? Yes, it can be done. The burger came and I was so pumped to get my Feenie on, expecting an explosion of beef juice, cheese drippings and general heavenliness. Well, it was good. It did not come medium rare, however, but juicy nonetheless and ya it was a kick ass burger...yum. BUT this is Feenie's burger that I just paid $16 bucks for. Cheddar cheese? Come on give me some edam or emental...frig Goat would have been awesome. Nope. Just orange Canadian cheddar and regular mushrooms, no shitake or oyster mushrooms. Regular bun (but toasted). But for that price I want it hand-made with the yeast of angels. It was a great burger...don't get me wrong but for the price? I've had way better...The Black Frog Burger blew it out of the water and that only cost me $10. And plus the salad dressing that came on my wimpy mesculine salad was over oiled and had WAY too much vinegar...didn't eat the salad.
I'm not being a crusty bitch just cuz he's so well reputed and needs to be brought down a notch - cuz he doesn't, he deserves all of his favorable reviews...As one of the better Vancouver restaurants, I've got to expect a lot..So, whatever Feenie, you ain't all that.
However, Dave's poutine is another story...it was frigin great! Homemade gravy, real fromage en grain, super good fries...so hats off to the poutine.
Dave, we must do this again sometime...

My Rating: I'm coming back for the gold shavings that should have been on my burger.

Hennessy Dining Lounge

53 West Broadway
Vancouver

I almost did this to the burger...

Well, this review was unplanned and on the spot...I kinda walked into it. So, I am doing PR for a new indie film coming out called Wannabe Macks by Blockknocker Productions. I was meeting with executive producers Brad Patterson and Mersad Khatami at Mersads restaurant Hennessy. We ended up discussing strategy over 2 of my favorite things...burgers and beer...but you all know that.

So, the burger: The Hennessy Brandy Burger...ok, these guys know what's up with burgers. Served on grilled ciabatta, with deep fried onions, crispy bacon and the regs, this burger is so well executed. And here's why. Their patties are made in house by their new chef, Robert Hedley, and - this is amazing - the patties are simmered in brandy, then brushed with more brandy and then broiled. It was like sex...except sex is better...But this was pretty close. These guys really know how to get on my good side and I was deeply impressed. Go...this place has great atmosphere, great tap selection and killer burgers. Nice job guys.

My rating: This is not just any other one night stand...i'm coming back for more, ya heard?

Brown's Social House (Kits location)

2296 W 4th Ave, Vancouver, BC, Vancouver
Tel: 604-733-2420
http://www.brownsrestaurantbar.com

I am sad. I had some great pics of my dinner at Brown's, and even some video but they were un-uploadable. I'm working on it people.

So, Brown's Social House is a great place to hang out, drink martinis and eat deep-fried mini lobster shells (WTF?). Great atmosphere, superior service and a decent menu. They have chosen to take 4 thinks and do them well. Rice bowls, salads, steaks and burgers. Most restaurants do very well with this concept, but Brown's missed the mark. It is incohesive and confusing. Their steak section overwhelms all else rendering them steakhouseesque. And well lets just say that if you are going specifically do four things well...they had all better be otherworldly.

The Burger: So I had the Hollywood Burger but there was little 'hollywood' about it. I guess that the fact that it had 'American' cheese (read plastic cheese) was supposed to make it 'hollywood' but seriously...that is a really lame effort. AND to top it off all of the other burgers had craptastic cheese on it as well. The waitress politely told us that the chef thought it melted better. THAT IS BULLSHIT. WHAT KIND OF CHEF ARE THEY USING? A 17 YEAR OLD FRY STATION VETERAN OF BURGER KING?Whatever...
So the patty. This was a shocker. When I asked the waitress what cut of meat they used she was like 'the regular stuff'. OK. This is where my anger starts to free flow. They have top quality steaks but they use the regular stuff to make the burger?? I then asked her if they were made in house and omg, get this...she says "No. I've seen the box". When I regained consciousness I decided that I still needed to go through with it. And I did.
The presentation was cute, I have to say. It came in this little fast food wrapper, which I did enjoy. The burger was good for what it was: FAST FOOD. If I wanted a Big Mac I would have gone to McDonald's. DISAPPOINTING. It even had shredded iceberg lettuce and some special sauce...I know they thought they were being kitsch but there is nothing else on the menu to suggest even a vague theme. I just did not get it. I hate it when burgers play mind games... So I concentrated on my beer and my beer, and my beer some more. DONE.

My rating: I wish I could drink at MacDonald's...It would have been cheaper.

Roxy Burger

910 Granville St
Vancouver, BC
www.roxyburger.com

Guest Panelist: Kentish Anthony Steele III CANADIAN ROXY BURGER



BUFFALO BURGER


So, Roxie Burger, having 'burger' in it's name is a tough one...does it deserve a category all on it's own? I'm thinking anything with 'burger' or 'shack' is going to have to go on a separate page. Whatever, I'll deal with that later.

OK, so Kentish is a veteran of 'the strip'. We met when I was looking for an apartment and almost moved in with him...but I digress. He gave me some history behind the place. So, it used to be called the Planet Cafe and was supposedly one of the first casual bars in the Granville entertainment district. As the Strip began to change into more of a 'scene' new owners took it over, but always failed (suckas). So, the Roxy Night Club opened up next door, became wildly popular. To take advantage of the young-superdrunk-'i need a fucking burger, man' demographic, they opened up Roxy Burger next door.

Right. The burger. This is why I love going with someone else...you can order 2 different burgers and split them...Hence the combo-review.

So, after ordering a bucket of Bud and turning my attention to the hockey game I ordered the Buffalo Burger. It comes with the regs and a neat n' spicy chipotle ranch sauce. The presentation is frigin proper with the pickle mounting the top of the bun (yum). HOWEVER, the patty was super thin and dryer than the inside of Nicole Richie's veins. The sauce was good, though. AND, they provided a sog barrier (see previous blogs). Oh! And you can add tons of stuff: you know I had cheddar cheese, sauteed onions and mushrooms...BONUS

My Rating: If I wanted to eat some Nicole Richie I would have been present at her last lypo appointment. But nice pickle.

Kentish's burger: The Canadian Roxy Burger.
Every time there is 'Canadian' in the name you can be sure there will be bacon in it. Creative. So, this one went over a bit better. The patty was thick and juicy and made the whole thing super sloppy...Kentish added mushrooms which were great and it came with cheese at no extra charge. Again the presentation was really pretty. It was good, but not the highlight of my experiences...but a decent burger nonetheless.

My Rating: Meh...

My Shame...

I'm just going get it out in the open before this affects my rep. While I claim to be a burger expert I was associated with a major burger disaster this weekend. Emily and I went over to a friend's house for a BBQ and we brought...oh my god, you guys, I am SO sorry...frozen patties. Ok, so I didn't cook them, the speed knitter did, but nonetheless...I still feel partially responsible as the accompaniment was the yam fries which i also fuk'd up. Anyway please, please don't judge me. I've cried enough already. My profound apologies.

BS

The Black Frog

Guest Panelist: Emily Oja




I gotta say that the Black Frog is one of my favorite pubs in Vancouver. It is right at the end of Cambie, just before the railroads and has a terrific view of Canada Place (which, incidentally, changes colours at night).

So, my guest panelist for the day was Ms. Emily Oja, a fantastic dresser and champion speed-knitter (you should see this shit...it's just a whir of yarn, sweat and incessant 'klacking'). She is an expert because she watches the food channel a lot. Only, her day-to-day culinary exploits rarely go beyond Kraft Dinner and '2 liters' of chips (courtesy of Tom), but whatever.

The burger: Despite the fact that our server was a vegetarian, she was very helpful in answering the question I had for her. The chef told her (and I'm sure he said it with a look of total disbelief) that the meat in the burger was 'ground meat' - ok. Thanks, man. So, I'll call it chuck.

You guys, this burger was amazing. It had the regs and a pretty good sun dried tomato may (no pickles, which was momentarily disappointing). They couldn't do it medium rare but it maintained it's magical beefy juices. I put cheese and mushrooms on mine (a buck extra each, but worth is) and it was so frigin amazing I fell of my chair 4.5 times. It is huge, it has a sog barrier, they serve it on a GRILLED, WHOLE WHEAT BUN...WTF? I am in awe of this mastery of burger-making. They don't charge for Caesar salad instead of fries, either.

Emily had pretty much the same reaction. She started running around the bar and showing the other customers her burger and made them smell the inside. It was inappropriate but funny.

So, yes...do eat their burger. They Kill.

My Rating: Shut up, I'm making love to this burger, can't you see that?

OH, AND I AM GETTING A CAMERA, I PROMISE

Coming soon...Browns Social House...This is going to be EPIC.

Malone's Bar and Grill (Kits)

vs.

2210 Cornwall St. @ Yew
Vancouver, BC
www.malones.bc.ca

Okaaaaaaay. So, I've already talked about burgers with non-beef patties right? Well, here's the first review of the non-beef kind.
Malone's Bar and Grill, a supposed institution in Vancouver, boasts 'over 20 burgers and sandwiches', only 5 of which can be classified as a true burger. I will distinguish reviews by burger and try not to base future ventures to Malone's on this specific experience (I said I'll try...).

Oh, Fusion Tuna Burger, why did you sound so awesome and turn out to be so...well...inedible???

So, what's in it? Well, a grilled cajun tuna filet, for starters, complimented by salsa, guac, pickled ginger, wasabi aoli and 'all the fixings'.

MEXASIAN? Whaaaaaaaaa? People, if you want to do fusion, you must specialize in it (I know I will end up eating those words in a future post but for now...shut it). Just cuz the word rolls off the tongue does not mean it will work. It's like mixing tequila with sake...it will always make you barf.

So now we have Luche libre vs Samurai...actually, that would be a wicked match to see....
It was a fight to the death between the jalapeños and the pickled ginger.
SCORE ONE JALAPENO
The jalapeño-heavy salsa brought the ginger to its knees and did away with any hint of the powerful, pink root.
I did get a dill pickle though. Weird.

The tuna. I die a little inside every time I think of the tuna. I know, unless it is a seafood restaurant don't expect much. But frig, this was a triangle of fishy doom slathered with Cajun spices. Unfortunately the spices weren't powerful enough and I could still taste the tuna.
To add to the mush was the guac which now hinted of wasabi. Actually the guac and wasabi could have made a nice nacho dip but here it was just adding to the problems.

Triangle-burning-fish-mush, you ruined my day, you asshole.

Well, I've come this far so I may as well finish it...
Uncreative bun selection (white), but that could not have saved the burger .
AND PLEASE! if you are going to add a liquidy ingredient, like salsa, on top YOU MUST GRILL THE BUN (the sog-barrier).

All in all, thank god I had beer...or three.

My Rating: Would you wear a sombrero with a kimono? I though not.

Reviews will now have their own link.

In order to separate reviews from the other stuff I have added a link on this page. Review will appear on both blogs. Check out www.burgersnob-reviews.blogspot.com.

Thanks,

The BS

What makes a good burger? I'll tell ya what...

So, you're probably thinking that I am doing this on my own terms. True. But I think you'll find that is basic common sense. Get your note pads out you friggin' nerds.


1. the bun
The bun MUST be a size relative to the patty and ingredients. Too much bun is uncalled for and a sign that the ingredients and patty cannot be trusted to stand alone. A variety of bun options is greatly appreciated (ie. multigrain, poppyseed, home made etc.). a grilled bun = extra points. This is because it creates a sog-barrier and helps to avoid slobbyness (a term and function which will be debated at another time.)

2. the patty
The patty is obviously the most essential part. If your patty fails to impress, you're burger will not stand a chance. I don't care if your bun is deep fried in truffle oil and served with gold shavings, it will fail and I will make you cry.
THE PATTY DOES NOT HAVE TO BE BEEF it just has to act like a beef patty. Do whatever you want: ostrich, bison, tuna steak, chicken, even veg(gag)gie just make it act like a burger, ok? Oh, and if it is not beef please don't try and make it taste like beef. I want to taste that awkward, flightless bird.
RULE NO. 1 OF THE BURGER: do not overcook it. if you do this I will chuck it at the client next to me to demonstrate that an over cooked patty can kill, got it?
If you cannot offer me a medium rare burger then your meat is not fresh.
I cannot hold this against you if you are a dive, because some of the best burgers come out of pubs that reek of stale beer and depression. However, if you are a decent restaurant and claim that your burgers are 'the best' you had better give me options.
YOU MUST BE JUICY. If I don't have burger juice running down the side of my hand, then you are not juicy enough. You should be able to cook the patty well done (for those unadventurous types) and still make it juicy. I have some tips for that but that is coming in a future post (it involves booze...).
Seasoning is key here, people. Please be original but if you over spice, you are dead to me.

3. the ingredients
The regs: Lettuce, tomato, onions (preferably red) and PICKLES. You must offer pickles (dill only). A pickle-less burger is a crime. God I can't believe I actually have to tell you that...
These items do not have to be present at all times as there are burgers out there that specialize in shocking ingredients...kudos...you guys are some of my favorites.
The others: Creativity ingredients are always the best...just go for it...put crazy, weird shit in it and you will probably win me over. Go ahead, put coffee grounds and roasted lime zest in there...AS LONG AS IT WORKS. Weird for the sake of weird is just stupid.

4. the sauce
OK, don't try and fool me with tons of sauce cuz you know your burger is dry as shit. I'll know, liar. Sauce on a burger is not essential but sometimes a welcome compliment. Creativity here, is also essential, but like I said with other ingredients it has to work with the rest of the construction.

5. Cheese
The more selection the better. But if you put fake cheese on my burger I will chuck it at the client next to me to demonstrate that molten, orange plastic will cause second degree burns to the face. You don't want that, now do ya?
Smoked, peppered, marbled and aged - all good.
Oh and if you don't serve cheese on you house burger, then you're cheap and I hate you. Let those lactose intolerant wusses opt out if they want but don't take it out on the rest of the population.

6. add ons
You MUST offer ad ons. Sauteed mushrooms and onions, bacon, a variety of cheese, friggin anchovies wrapped in snake skin, whatever. Just give me options.

6. the burger juice
the burger juice is the shit that drips off the burger, your hand and face. It is the culmination of everything that your burger has become. The sauces, the meat, the ingredient and the cheese - all of that mixed into one incredible juice. I have only one thing to say about that. If I don't want to bottle it and sell it on eBay then you probably won't want to read your review.

I reserve the right to change this definition at any time. Suggestions are only sorta welcome.

The Denman St. Free House

1780 Davie St.
Vancouver, BC

I am going to preface this by saying that I am not bashing the whole place. Just the Burger. The Free House is actually a wicked little restaurant with one of the best views in the city, great cocktails and service. The rest of the menu looks pretty solid and the wine list doesn't suck. BUT the "Fat Burger with Skinny Fries' is simply mediocre. I had heard that they had the best burgers in town with fresh ground tenderloin and in-house seasoning. The first time I asked for medium rare and they said 'no way'. How can you have fresh ground tenderloin and not offer a range of cooking options? WTF, seriously. So, its served with provolone (always a burger bonus) onion confit and the regs for filler. The bun is a multigrain bun grilled thin (this is actually really good for any burger) so its a bit crunchy. This sounds great, right. Umm, no. SO DISAPPOINTING. The fact that it was both creative and disappointing just pushed it into the realm of pretension (that sounds pretentious, doesn't it?).
It wasn't just over-cooked, they defined 'cooking the shit out of something' making it crumbly and super dry (k, that's the biggest no-no). Over-spiced doesn't even begin to describe the the clusterfuck that took place in my mouth. The onion confit was way too sweet, overpowering and sloppy (the should have lightly caramelized them, but whatever). K, I know this sounds harsh, but when your dealing with a rep for the best burgers in the city you better be ready to have the critics go after you. It had so much potential, which is why it was so disappointing.

I went back this weekend, cuz as I said, it is a beautiful spot. I ordered the burger again hoping for a miracle. WHY WHY WHY? The only redeeming quality was the use of orange tomatoes, which are sweet with lots of flavor. But they refused to cook it medium rare, it was surprisingly under-spiced (at least my tongue didn't bitch me out this time) and generally blah. And to top it all off, the caesar salad was friggin nasty. How do you screw that up?? But my Bloody Caesar was good. So, the experience wasn't a total loss

My Rating: "hey Free House...GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND MAKE A DECENT BURGER...live up to your rep, k?"

Burgers for life...

My unhealthy obsession with finding the best burger has led to the birth of this blog. It is now my mission to seek out and destroy every good burger on the planet, starting with Vancouver. This all started with TWO disappointing burgers (yes, I gave them a second chance) at a restaurant that will likely be the subject of my first review. "Reputedly" one of Vancouver's best burgers it was nothing short of pathetic. So, this site is dedicated to finding the truth beyond the bun and championing those who succeed and making those who fail cry tears of regret. So there.