Diva at the Met

Diva at the Met

645 Howe Street,Vancouver, BC

604.602.7788

www.metropolitan.com/diva

This, like the previous post, is a breed of a different kind. I call this 'The Splurger'. The single most expensive burger I have encountered. It sounds dumb, I know...who would spend that much on the burger? Well, besides myself, apparently three diners , none other than the insipid Emily Oja, the magnanimous Thomas Kuzma and the only man that is willing to put up with me at the moment, Frederick Young (seriously, I'm a total mess. It's a wonder I know what pants are).

Diva at he Met, the Vancouver Metropolitan Hotel restaurant, if pretty much the epitome of pretension, if you're 4, 20-somethings dressed like they have embraced Skid Row (yes, we have standards). It's a nice Saturday afternoon. Thomas has donned his clip-on bow tie and Fred is vowing to embarrass me as much as humanly possible cuz he 'hates dates' and 'organized outings' (oh ya, he's a keeper). This is going to be fun.

Besides a few Japanese business men and some obese Americans we are the only others in the restaurant. I'm really glad I made reservations.

We all know why we are there but didn't really take into account how much it would cost to get drunk at this place. Well, its a lot. Whatever, marts all around.

I went into this experience thinking that this burger would be over-kill. My former colleagues at the CFS got me a gift certificate for my birthday to Diva just to make love to this burger. To caress it, kiss it's bosom, make it feel like the only burger in the world. They know me so well. I have waited this long (since June 13) to feel this burger. With seared foie gras, truffle aoli, wild mushroom ragout, short ribs and oh-so pleasure-inspiring rutabaga, lotus root chips, I thought it would be over-load...too much of a good thing...and to be frank, over-kill. Just too much to be burger-worthy. Too much meat, too much richness...too much mamby-pamby.

I WAS WRONG.

I know this is crude, but I creamed myself. OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG. I've only had a couple orgasms that top this. You think I'm joking. Please send an email to request the video records.

If you have $36 to waste on Shangrila, NOW IS THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!

My rating: Its sensual, it's balanced, its unlike any meat experience you have ever had. I crave its soft touch every day of my life. Diva you are my life-partner, my one-and-only, my Everest. 

A Day at the Tracks

David , Fred and Tom analyzing thier 'system'

Oh Yah, Oja

Yum...diseased meat.

The Hasting Race Tracks

This review is a bit different from previous entries. I went into this one knowing full well that this burger was going to be puke-worthy. Ah yes, the concession stand burger. The demise of many an American baseball and football fan. The most likely to induce runs at the carnival. Oh, beer league...it wasn't the beer that made me vomit in your boyfriend's lap...it was your old friend the concession stand burger. You know the one, it comes in red and white checkered wax paper. The patty is 4 millimeters thick and the bun has soaked up what must be years of flat-grill grease, gristle and unknown animal fat.

On this sunny, early fall Saturday, myself, Emily Oja, Thomas Kuzma, Frederick Young and David Bestwick decided to go loose some well-earned money at the tracks. The boys seemed to think that they had a 'system', something to do with stats. Em and I bet on the horses with the pretty colours and funny names. I think the horse that lost me my five bucks was named Rx Prescription. He must have been high. Fucking dopers.

In any case, it was delightful afternoon that saw us win a group total of $6.75. And, I got to experience the ever popular concession.

Here is the theory that Emily and I came up with: Old, lame horses do not get put out to pasture; they are laid to rest at the concession stand. Seriously, I have no idea what that meat was but it was not beef. Possibly skunk, as Vancouver is over-run with the pungent rodent. Hell if I know. But, in all reality, I never expected it to be good. Just greasy, sloppy and possibly life threatening. Emily is still recovering from her botchulism.

My rating: If you want to make your stomach sad...eat at the tracks.